Chronicle #7

Hi there, thanks for being here. I hope you are happy and healthy.

As always, it’s been a while. I miss this — but as life goes on, so do my capabilities to sit down and type.

I just moved. I graduated college with absolutely no clue what to do. I had a job that I was excited to start, but didn’t know where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. But I can only imagine that’s the narrative for most.

My 18-year-old self would be disappointed that I’m back where I started. Back in the city that I so desperately craved leaving. Back with people that remind me of why I went so far.

But this time, there’s much more beauty in front of me. There’s beauty that only I let myself see. And that’s when I came to realize the beauty of the now, the beauty of our minds, the beauty of where we are and how we interact with that.

There’s nothing I can change about where I am right now. I mean sure, if you wanted to be cynical, I could move again and uproot only to run and restart. But what I mean is that, I am here. I am here to be, to work, to love, to grow — so why would I not give myself the opportunity to do so?

The solution is always right in front of us and in this case, the solution is inside of us. It’s the leverage that we have over every single facet in our life. It’s the reminder that life is as simple as you make it.

This may be bitter of me, but if I were to be swept up by my biggest dreams — would I ever truly live in the moment? If the only thing I wanted was a new place, a new job, a new everything… would I ever be content?

My dreams are there to push me, but also to stabilize me. They are there to remind me that I will always be my biggest critic and motivator. They are to remind me to keep going.

But if I were to let them consume me in the now, I would be in a never ending cycle of wishing for things that need time. And like you’ve heard, time heals all.

So here I am, 22 and broke, naive, a hopeless romantic, and excited for all the trial and error to follow. I am teaching myself to love where I am because there is no other choice.

To those of you who feel lost, who feel your dreams are far, who feel as if you can’t truly catch a grip — you are right where you need to be. Your young selves would be proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. Stay where you are and learn to actually stay.

I am proud of you. Thanks for being here.

I’ll see you when I see you.

Chronicles of Life from an Outstander